Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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