why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
