...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
