Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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