how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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