I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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