we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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