Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
