It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
