just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
