this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
