After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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