just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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