Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
