So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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