i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
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