hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
