Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
