It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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