Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
