And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
