You smell like a Billy Joel song
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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