i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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