Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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