I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
