I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
