I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
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Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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