Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
