The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
