Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
