Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
smell my finger.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
