I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
