This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
