Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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