my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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