matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I could make wine with my vomit
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
