take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
