Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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