need another drink. this is the easiest way
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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