Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
