this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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