I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
