Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They have beer where we have blood.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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