my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Who put my cat in the fridge?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
