i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
