after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
