I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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