If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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