sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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