No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we're chasing vodka with high fives
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
