What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
