right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
