and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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