im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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