Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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