theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
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