I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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