it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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