I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
