Its about making memories worth repressing
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
