Got a toothbrush?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
